Hippies and Hillbillies

I am newly returned from my weekend sojourn and feel much better now that I am clean, though my legs are completely covered in chigger bites. For those of you who have never experienced a chigger, like perhaps you live in a desert, you have not felt an itch until you have had a colony of microscopic bugs devour your exposed skin (or sometimes your not-so-exposed skin). Our weekend was full of many memorable experiences, some of which I will try to share by describing different ways that people camp.

At one end of the spectrum you have those campers who really don't understand the point of camping. They have brought so much equipment and modern comforts with them that it takes their children a few hours to realize that they are not at home. These are the people who like to camp in the spots that are just a few feet from the people in the next site over. It's like someone created suburbia outdoors and used nylon instead of brick. They have brought the barbeque, the air mattresses, the kids' bikes; I even saw a few small trailers that were lined with shelves on the inside so that they could bring the entire contents of their pantry!!! Most of these people receive a roll of the eyes and a sigh that says "they just don't get it". However, some of these people can just be rude.

This leads me to the second group of campers. This group may not bring as many modern conveniences, but they make up for it with their thoughtlessness for the environment. Let me give you a few examples. We frequently drove past a friendly-looking suburban family who had set up camp right by the bathroom (talk about the smell of the great outdoors). They have the portable pantry/trailer and quite an elaborate site. We just shook our heads at them every time we passed until the last day, when we saw that someone had paintballed the side of the bathroom! Really?!? I know I am jumping to conclusions, but why would you give your kid a paintball gun while you are camping?!? The other example of this came our second night there. Let me backtrack a little. When we arrived at Devil's Den State Park in Arkansas on Thursday we were told that the campgrounds were booked to capacity for Friday and Saturday nights, so we could camp there Thursday, but we would have to relocate for Friday. They told us about a camping area just outside of the State Park boundry that we could try though they couldn't guarantee what kind of company we would find ourselves in there. So we thanked the nice ranger and headed to said campground: Cedar Flats (kind of like the Narrows in Gotham City?). The area was very conducive to camping and we found ourselves a spot that, after cleaning up quite a bit of trash, suited us quite nicely. Our neighbors seemed normal, except for the gunshots but I will get to that momentarily, and our first night was enjoyable. The second night was not so kind. A little after dark some new campers rolled in and settled a little farther into the woods. One group consisted of two father-son pairs who made a nice fire then turned in early. We liked them. Then the music started. At first it was kind of funny because it went from 80's rock to country to techno, but then it started to get old. We surmised that it must be someone's car stereo and we prayed that God's wrath would strike quickly and drain the car battery. We fantasized about our musical friends coming to ask for a jump the next day since they drained their battery the night before and laughing in their faces. As the night wore on and the bass only got louder, our amusement turned to wrath. How dare they ruin our camping trip! How will we sleep? Why come into nature if you are just going to bring the noise of home with you?!? You just enjoy sleeping on the ground? Riley decided to go ask them to turn it down and I joined, though I feared for our safety. What kind of people could they be? Dumb teenagers who came out here to drink? Someone violently drunk who will beat us senseless for asking that they end their party? Nope. A family with multiple children. We asked nicely (though the annoyed couple who came with us to storm the castle were slightly less polite) and they obliged, kind of. BUT THE NOISE DIDN'T STOP!!! I finally wussed out and decided that unconsciousness was preferrable to a tense situation and went to bed (typical). In the morning I discovered that Riley and Eric (we camped with him and his wife Kristy) had gone in search of the noise again and had discovered the offending sound was coming from a new campsite that was inhabited by some 16-year-old guys and their giggly girlfriends. Our boys puffed up their chests and sent the younglings scurrying for the volume control. End of problem.

The next category of camper is the Redneck/Hillbilly. When we moved into "The Flats" we found ourselves next to a large camp of... hunters? It was a large contingent of males who could easily have been there for days, weeks, months, years? (insert Friends themesong :). They had a rather sizeable community of tents and camping equipment and plenty of firearms, which they tested constantly. For those of you who know me, I hate loud noises, I just about pee my pants every time. The smaller guns weren't bad, but the shotgun was a little ridiculous. And they weren't even shooting AT anything!!! Seriously, bullets don't just grow on trees. Nothing like being awakened first thing in the morning to gunfire. The other redneck group pulled in the second day with three 4-wheelers, 2 dirt bikes, 1 beat-up truck on a trailer...and maybe a partrige in a pear tree. They then amused themselves by taking all of these vehicles out into the forrest. They almost ran us over as me rode our bikes peacefully down the dirt road. Who races down a dirt road on ATV's past people on BICYCLES?!? We thought we had seen the last of them when they packed up, but they returned after dark to set up camp and drink themselves silly. We listened to them talk about how drunk they were and play "I've never" until the wee hours of the morning (once the loud music finally went away). It was quite funny the next morning when we went by their campsite and saw the ground littered with bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade and Bud Lite with Lime. Is it even possible to get drunk from something with such a low alcohol content? What studs!

To be continued...

-Ang