The past 2 years have been some major transitional times for me. I mean the chop your hair off, dye it basically black, change your entire wardrobe and get a tattoo just so you can feel different than you did 3 months ago kind of transition. (Although I did opt out of the tattoo) Lately though, I’ve been reflecting on where I’ve come from and where I’m going and surprisingly enough, I’ve been incredibly happy! I’ve finally made it. I am the new woman I wanted to be and things are fabulous. Or so I thought... For the past couple of Sundays at church our Pastor has been mentioning over and over again the idea of ‘unpacking’ things. Unpacking those things you reeeeeaaaalllly don’t want to unpack. Revealing, analyzing, and examining those parts of yourself you’ve either denied actually exist or refuse to acknowledge even though they are staring you straight in the face.
Yesterday I was digging through my closet and I found a journal from about 4 years back. I made the major mistake of opening it up and reading it thinking, ‘Awesome! now I can see how far I’ve really come right?’ Wrong. I found nothing but page after page of the same thing I struggled with two years ago, and the same thing I am struggling with today. Am I destined to relive the same mistakes over and over again? Did I learn nothing since then? Will my ‘house’ ever be fully unpacked and put away neatly? It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was on my way to a dear friend’s house to get some hot chocolate and have some good girl time and I started crying like a fool on the drive over. When I finally got up the courage to spill my guts again to her, she was (as she always is) an incredible encouragement. She helped me realize a few things.
1) We all have issues! And we will always be unpacking and revealing those parts of ourselves we consider ugly, bruised, and broken to God so that He can make them beautiful, healed and restored.
2) I am fabulous and I deserve only the best. I should never settle for anything less than God’s intended plan and I should never sell myself short.
And finally...
3) The fact that I even recognize that I’ve still got issues to unpack, means there’s already one empty suitcase that has been cleaned out and is sitting to the side. Thank you Syd, you are a blessing. xoxo
So, where does that leave me? Scared, excited, nervous, confused, confidant….all of the above. I still don’t quite know what all of this is going to mean, but I am at least willing to look into it. Who knows, maybe unloading a few pieces of baggage will be good for me and perhaps I’ll find a cute pair of shoes I had forgotten I even had. :)
-Kare
My world
13 years ago
3 comments:
You ARE fabulous, and I'm not just saying that 'cause you're like a daughter to me. You can always move your fabulous self to Oklahoma :) We ALL have issues here.
My dear sister...I love you beyond words! Thanks for sharing a little piece of your heart with us. You are correct, we ALL have stuff to unpack..and will be doing so for the rest of our lives. Just know that while the issues may not get easier, the unpacking sort of does...not sure why or how...it just does.
"Scared, excited, nervous, confused, confidant….all of the above. I still don’t quite know what all of this is going to mean, but I am at least willing to look into it"
And I love this about you..you are at a most beautiful and raw point in your life...I hope that as you settle into who you are as a woman, that feeling of excitement and energy around learning and growing never goes away.
xxx
K
My darling youngest daughter..I am sure you WILL find a fabulous new pair of shoes in the clutter of your life and as the pieces of your heart are still getting sorted out and glued back together, you will put those shoes on and dance like you never have before...! (: Remember when we played "friend" when you were little...now you are a woman, a beautiful, growing in God type woman that I am truly blessed to call friend.
xoxooxxo
Mama.
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