WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!

There is a funk in my house. I don't know where it is coming from. I started smelling it last night when I got home from my day out and about, so I don't know if there was just something percolating in my trash and after a long day away it was very noticeable when I got home, or if it coincided with the return of my husband from his mini camping trip. I thought that maybe if I went to sleep that in the morning it would be better. I was mistaken. I am breathing in short gasps as I sit here on the couch typing. Maybe it's just my overly-sensitive olfactory nerve that is the problem. I tried taking the trash out (and by "taking the trash out" I mean that I pulled the bag out of the trash can, tied it shut, then set it outside the front door for someone who is not in their robe and pj's to carry to the curb). Smell is still here. I'm thinking that maybe I need to wipe out the trash can with bleach or something, like maybe the smell is living inside the plastic itself. Riley keeps saying that someday we will get a "nice" trash can, but I can't bring myself to pay $80 for a metal comtainer that holds my trash and which usually doesn't have as much space as my cheap plastic one. So I guess I will just clean out the one I have, though really, who likes sticking their arm and torso down in there? We'll see. I could also try doing the dishes (though really, there aren't that many and I have done them recently) or bathing the dog (we did that three days ago and I don't think this is a doggy smell). But whatever happens, that funk needs to leave!

Meanwhile I am gazing outside at the sunshine, waiting for the temperature to rise so that I can spend virtually my entire day outside soaking up the sun's rays. Should I help Riley with his shed? Plant some flowers? Build a slightly raised bed for planting edible things (I am not a huge veggie fan but I have a strong desire to have a strawberry patch)? Ride my mountain bike? Run at the park? So many options! But despite the fact that today should be in at least the upper 60's, those kill-joys on the news insist that tomorrow is going to be blizzardy. Blech. I refuse to believe it. But I am still going to take full advantage of this beautiful day... as soon as I take care of that SMELL!!!

My back and our shed

My back hurts. Even when I sleep. I can only fall asleep on my back because everything else hurts (but hey, at least I can sleep on my back without making weird puffing noises). When I wake up in the middle of the night, lying on my back hurts. Ironically I can now sleep on my stomach which used to give me neck headaches. Is this supposed to happen at 24? My chiropractor says I need to stretch really well because my hamstrings and other butt-related muscles are attached to my lower back where it is hurting and if I stretch that part of my spine will not get pulled on so much. You would think that would make me go "relief? I'll do that right now!" and spend most of my day stretching. And yet I really don't stretch at all. Isn't it weird how some people can be so lazy that they don't even do things that will get them out of pain?

Moving on to other non-depressing items. There is a shed growing in my back yard! For those of you who don't know my husband and I have a small fleet of bicycles that are currently living in a friend's shed and in our man den (which now has no room for manliness because of all the bikes). I bet most of you didn't know that you could have a bike that is specific to dirt jumps or trail riding or cruising to Starbucks or road riding or pointing yourself down a mountain and not dying. We have all of those. Some of them more than once. So when we moved into our house that we own (I guess technically the bank still owns most of it) we decided we needed to build a shed for our bikes in the back yard. That was almost two years ago. About a year ago Riley and his dad built a beautiful floor. We ooooed and aaahhhhhed over it, and when it began to rain we quickly covered it with tarps and tried to weight down the corners so that it wouldn't get ruined. Then nothing really happened after that, except that the wind blew corners of the tarp up and leaves and water started collecting on it and we looked at it and said, "it'll be fine". We didn't have the resources to continue. Then we didn't have the time. Then we didn't have any help from anyone who REALLY knew what they were doing. Anyhow, that all changed this week. Riley's dad came over Monday morning and took Riley to Home Depot to gather supplies, and they got started. Over the past few days the floor of our shed has grown three walls, one with a window and walls, the other two just framed. This morning Riley and one of his buddies is putting up wall number four complete with window and door holes. I am very excited. Now our bikes can live outside where they belong and the mower and weedeater don't have to sit on the side of the house and look trashy (not that you would notice in our neighborhood where people have massive windchime collections and cook fish in a barrel fire in their driveway or have so many lawn ornaments that you are often startled by their dog who you didn't notice standing over there by that gnome). If I had a camera that worked I would take pictures of the progress and show you. But alas, my camera has stopped focusing and Riley's bounced down about twenty feet of rock. Oops. Well, now I am off to get my house cleaned up and go get my hair cut. Hooray!

Dear cowsins

This blog post is dedicated to Cori and Ali.

Dear cowsins,
You should come here semi-permanently. We have much fun. Here are my reasons why:

1. We have a cute baby that you can play with. And she is going to be approaching the age where you can teach her to say all kinds of weird and borderline-inappropriate things. It will be fun. Perhaps she will make weird noises.
2. We could Zumba together. Nothing brings family together like exercise and booty-shaking.
3. The last Harry Potter movie should come out within the next year and Tessa and I need people to go see it with who know the difference between between a quaffle and a snitch.
4. All of my friends are moving away and I will be lonely
5. There is this bakery somewhere in Piedmont (I think) that makes beautiful cookies that taste fantastic. And someone usually gives the office staff some on special occasions (so your mom can save you some).
6. People in Oklahoma don't smoke weed like the folks in Colorado do (we prefer meth here).
7. Less snow, more blood circulation
8. Your dogs live here:)
9. You are way closer to free food and someone who might to your laundry if you play your cards right.
10. Your cousins and aunt and uncle and grans live here:)

So there you have it. Now I am going to go eat more chips.

Spring break

Update on my odyssey to become physically fit: decided to work out yesterday, and since I hadn't done anything too strenuous in a few days I decided to really make this one count. So I put on some stretchy pants and headed out to the Y. I decided to start on the treadmill and started jogging. Of course I had to check out everyone else's distance and speed and time and compare it to my own as I started. Out of the eight or so others who were also treadmilling at various speeds, most of them were older, less-fit-looking, and basically unintimidating (yes, I am shallow and judgmental). Careful glances at those directly adjoining me assured me that I was the superior being. Look right: Ah, I see we are just going for a casual stroll today. Look left: Oo, a runner... but only for a few minutes. Pity. Then she came in. I could tell by the healthy tone of her hamstrings that she was a runner and that she was going to come right to the treadmill next to me where I was busy congratulating myself on being the queen of the gym as I passed minute 20 of my run. Sure enough, Ms. Hamstring came right where I thought she would and promptly started running. And man did she run. I was trotting along at a brisk 5.4 miles per hour. This chick was sprinting at an astounding 7.4. Geez. I felt my self confidence fading. I was slow. I wouldn't be able to make it that far. Who was I kidding? Then she grabbed onto the side handles and hopped off onto the side runners as the belt continued to spin. Apparently her shoe needed to be retied. After it was fixed she hopped back on and continued running. Not more than two minutes later she hopped off again. This time it was her hair. She adjusted her bobby pin and continued. Hmm. Another 90 seconds and this time she had to redo the whole ponytail. As I continued to watch her from the corner of my eye my confidence returned. She didn't go more than two minutes at a time without retying a shoe, fixing a bobby pin or redoing her ponytail. Her speed was still impressive but her stamina was not what I was fearing. Just another example of how shallow and self-conscious I am. Oh well, I finished my run, did thirty minutes on the elliptical, then jumped in the pool. And yet I am not sore today. Makes me feel like I didn't even do anything. I'll try harder next time.

And finally... it is spring break. After the Y I was picked up by my wonderful family and whisked off to go see Alice in Wonderland. Good movie. Kind of trippy. I can't figure out how Johnny Depp can suddenly have a big gap between his two front teeth. Then a nice afternoon nap and dinner at Ken's with the other side of the fam. This morning was church, lunch with the 'rents, another nice nap, dinner, and a movie while curled up on the couch with my hubby. The best part? It doesn't matter when I get up in the morning. It causes me pure joy to know that if I wake up at ten til six tomorrow I can turn over and go right back to sleep. No students. No grades (well, I do have stuff to do, just not right away). No plans. It's whatever my heart desires :). Sigh.

Stuff

Did you know that chocolate oranges are not really orange slices dipped in cohcolate?! Who knew! When you pull it out of the box there is a sticker on it that says "burst to enjoy" or something like that. Again, too lazy to get up and go check. Which led me to the question, how do you "burst" a chocolate orange? I banged it against the counter multiple times and nothing seemed to "burst". I finally just unwrapped it and pulled it apart. I am unsure as to whether or not that had anything to do with my attempts at bursting. Whatever, it's chocolate and it fits in my mouth.

In other news, spring break begins in approximately 20 hours. And yes, I am counting. Trying not to count minutes. Seriously, if I make it through tomorrow without killing any young children it will be a miracle. "No, you can't call your parents to get cough drops. Yes, go to the bathroom, but if some other kid comes and tells me you have been throwing wet paper towels at the ceiling again you will never pee at school again. To be honest I really don't want to hear your story right now. Congrats on the new hampster. Yes, you may go to the library. No, ice will not help your papercut. You're going to be absent when? And don't you DARE tell me you "think" you left your spelling packet at home." Sigh. My thoughts no longer go in orderly processes through my head, they run screaming through the crowded parking lot that is now my brain, smashing windshields, throwing rotten fruit, and setting off car alarms. I can hardly keep from twitching by the end of the day. 19 hours and 40 minutes now!

Thursday is my swimming night. I should be changing right now. I am exhausted. My stomach is rebelling. Just ate dinner. American Idol is on (really that was just the only thing on, it isn't exactly my favorite show). Papers to grade. Decisions to make. Do I give those filthy kids a break and make up grades for missing papers to put in the grade book, or should I give them zeros like I said I would? Deeper sigh. I think I am going to attempt to swim then come back to the grades.

laziness

So despite the fact that I have faithfully worked out lately, I have come to the conclusion that I am extremely lazy, or else really good at avoiding things I don't want to do. Examples:

1. I am currently sitting in my living room on the couch and someone has left the fan on at a rather chilling level. I am cold. I really wish the fan would stop. Am I going to get up and turn it off? Not a chance. However, just my luck, one of my many couch friendly blankets was lying on the back of the couch within reach. Now the only problem is how to keep the cozy blanket over my arms while I type. Maybe Riley will come home soon and flip the switch by the front door.

2. I meant to blog last week about my trip to the grocery store, but I didn't. However, Tessa's account of her Walmart trip has somewhat inspired me, so here are the highlights: I tried to con Riley into going to pick up chips to take to a friend's house (who was providing the rest of the dinner) despite the fact that he had to run a different errand first, but he caught on to my scheme and told me to suck it up and go get chips (in a loving manner of course). So I went to Homeland, parked, and avoided eye contact with the girl scouts who were enthusiastically selling cookies over by the other entrance which I avoided like the plague. Who likes to be the person to tell a girl scout "no sorry I don't want cookies today"? So I made it inside without purchasing any thin mints or tagalongs and decided it would be best to grab a cart since we needed milk and probably a few other things along with the chips. Homeland is great because they provide little cart wipes for us weird people who like to wipe our carts down before we touch them. Only this time I had to reach around the rather attractive young security guard standing by the antibac wipes. Now normally the security guard is old and very non-threatening in his uniform and bullet-proof vest (groceries are a dangerous business) and I make jokes to myself about how they are "Homeland Security" and realize that I made that joke last time I came too. Anyhow, this guard is young and much better looking than the normal guy and I wonder what he thinks about this odd girl who must disinfect her cart before she pushes it. So I wipe quickly and try to whip my cart out of the line of carts and continue to my shopping before I look too dumb, only when I whip I bring about two other carts with me and cute security guard has to help me disentangle myself from the other carts before I can escape. I smile to myself sheepishly and mutter a "thanks" as I turn my cart to leave and realize that I got the defective cart that doesn't turn! So I have to pick up the back end of the cart and reposition it to point the way I wanted it to go before I could make my escape. By then I was mentally cracking up with no one to share my joke. The rest of the trip was uneventful except for the fact that I had to manhandle my cart every time I wanted to turn right.

3. Today at school I used my planning period to kidnap one of my student's stuffed animals (today was pajama day)and leave her notes on how to find poor Hello Kitty instead of grading all the papers that desperately needed grading. Hello Kitty was reunited with her owner in our first grade study buddies' classroom.

4. I finally picked up my contacts today. They have been in for almost a week and a half. I have been wearing my current pair for... well never mind... a long time.

Anyhow, after looking at all of that procrastination I am amazed that I accomplish what I do. Now I need to shower and grade more papers. Nah, I'm going to bed.

Oo, Riley is back, maybe he will turn the fan off!

The Y

Working out is an interesting phenomenon. First I decided that the only way to get my squishy butt off the couch and into some other non-squishy state was to spend money on a gym membership. That way I would at least feel guilty if I was not working out but still spending the money on it. So I searched around a bit (and by that I mean I checked out the Y, found it to be just a tad pricier than I desired, and checked out one other gym that sent something to my house advertising "teacher discounts", which turned out to be nothing much), and finally decided that since the local YMCA is only about a stone's throw from my cosy casa (depending on who is throwing the stone) that would be my best bet. So I paid my dues and signed up. So far my genius guilt-induced work-out program is going beautifully. I even have a little schedule of when I go and roughly what I do when I am there.

So that is where I found myself this Monday evening: dance aerobics night. I was running quite late in getting there due to a dinner engagement that involved really good free food (you can take the kid out of college, but you can't get them to pass up free food) so I missed like the first half of my class. This left me quite un-warmed-up and a bit off. My grapevines were kind of small and the little hop in the middle threw me off. And should I clap now or just fling my arm in some artful way? Oh crap, I think I two-stepped when I was supposed to pony!

Anyhow, I finished up dance aerobics without major incident and even stayed for the "toning" afterward, which involved five minutes of me (and the rest of the class of course), two 4-pound weights, and a brief glimpse of hell. Three words: we did arms. Now no offense mom and dad, but I blame my genes for my wussy upper body, as well as my under-developed neck muscles which prevent me from leaning over and looking into the mirror simultaneously. I mean really, my head is not that big.

Once the class was over I decided to take a break from the treadmill and mount an elliptical. They are supposed to be better for your knees but it took the first ten minutes or so just to get over the knee pain. Once I found my stride I began to realize that it was a much slower stride than the other Y patrons around me. I know that you shouldn't compare yourself to others but I totally do. I am that person who secretly checks out what speed the person next to me is going, or always checks to see how long those around me have been going. Done after only 10 minutes? Amateur. Going on mile 7 huh? I'm leaving now. Well I checked everyone else out and finally decided I just needed to go at my own speed at resistance level 4, not the resistance 20 the woman next to me was going. It looked like she was running through water! Maybe she is training for Baywatch.

I ellipted for a while and mused about things to put in my blog... much cleverer things than I have actually written... then walked home, stretched my burning legs out on my yoga mat while fighting off the dog who figured that since I was lying on the floor I needed a hug, and now I am going to bed. Hope this post isn't too detailed, I am a little out of practice.